In Defense Of Introversion

The Leo type is the most dominant, spontaneously creative and extrovert of all the zodiacal characters. In grandeur of manner, splendor of bearing and magnanimity of personality, they are the monarch’s among humans as the lion is king of beasts. They are ambitious, courageous, dominant, strong willed, positive, independent, self-confident there is no such a word as doubt in their vocabularies, and they are self-controlled. Born leaders, either in support of, or in revolt against, the status quo. They are at their most effective when in a position of command, their personal magnetism and innate courtesy of mind bringing out the best of loyalty from subordinates.

While I feel most of those traits apply to me (ambitions, strong willed ) I am the most introverted Leo there is. When I am around people I feel comfortable with who I know love me I have no problem being more brazen and being the center of attention. But when I am with new people or people I am not comfortable with I tend to keep to myself and am very quiet. 

I am always afraid that my shyness comes across the wrong way and people think I am uptight, snobby and a bitch. It is not any of these things, it’s just while I really want to reach out and meet new people I don’t know the right words. One of my favorite songs from the Wonder Years is “sorry I don’t laugh at the right times.” It perfectly contextualizes how I feel all of the time. I am the queen of putting my foot in my own mouth from my strong opinions and lack of a social filter. All of those things about me are fine when I am surrounded by people who understand that about me…not so much when I meet someone new. This is how my overly self-awareness manifests itself. After every conversation I am left thinking “why the fuck did I say that?’ “They probably think I’m such an ass.” “I hope I didn’t sound too self absorbed.”

In my defense though I feel there are far worse ways that my insecurity could rear it’s ugly head. I have found  that there are two types of insecure people. The one type remembering how it was liked to be made to feel uncomfortable in social settings so they try not to make anyone feel that way. The second is the type who will pick on anyone they perceive as weaker to divert attention from themselves  and brag about trivial accomplishments to boost their own ego. I think the latter is far worse.  

The main point to this rambling is shyness isn’t always coy, or pretentiousness.